Birth Tourism - The Industry - My Worry

Today (23^rd July, 2015) should probably be tagged “baby’s day” for me because everywhere I turned to there was something that had to do with little kids! As early as 6am, one of my BFF (“One of” simply because I have many BFFs!) sent me a personal message on BBM “Bro we have another princess” and I was elated because I shared the journey with her (in prayers). Fast forward to 10 am on the same day I got a broadcast message from another good friend of mine “Join me and praise God, my wife has delivered a baby girl” another yay… my assortment of godchildren just increased :D.

Why are these events important to this post? Here is why, the two women had their (our) bundle of joy in the United State of America (USA) which I suppose has the best maternal mortality rate compared to the rest of the world - or maybe not – it might jolly well be because USA has a great policy that enables a child born on the plane in the US air space become the citizen of Uncle Sam with all accruable rights bestowed immediately through issuance of birth certificates and passports.

This seems to be the new craze for the emerging middle class in Nigeria even though the elites had always practiced this since independence, most of the children of the wealthy Nigerians in the 90’s hold dual citizenship.

Now here is what truly inspired this article, at exactly 5:40 pm, I was done with the most important items on my to-do list, so I jumped into my personal mail to at least act like I have a work-life balance, voila! I see child birth staring me in the face again, this time it is from a populardeal and coupon marketplace website… hold on, Child birth deals? Like will you give me a great wife deal that can give me triplets at once? So I do not have to go through the journey for 3*9 months? O my bad it is an offer of an “Affordable Childbirth in USA”, quite cheap compared to what I know so I clicked on it.

Guess what? It is simply a consultancy service for expectant mothers and fathers who are interested in having the blue passport in the next 21 years (when their kids can decide to make their parents citizens). I mean, just like the numerous consulting firms helping Nigerian students gain admission abroad we now have consulting firms that will tell you to wear a long kaftan for the visa interview to hide the bulging stomach, prepare a tourist itinerary for you to defend, should the immigration officer question your purpose of visiting Texas, and finally arrange for your accommodation, upkeep etc.

Here is my worry, just 4 months ago I came across an article on a major news site about the term ‘Birth Tourism’.

Birth Tourism is the term used to describe this sort of service being offered on the deal site, the FBI was on a mission to crackdown and track Chinese firms making huge profit from this unregulated industry or should I say this industry that has been created due to the absence of a firm law.

Now, why am I ranting or writing about this? Maybe I am just scared that by the time I have “Bae” and decide to join my good friends in exploring the Birth Tourism market, the Republicans or Tea party might be in charge of the USA and their strong immigration views might prevent me.

Or, I might just pretend I am not interested and stick to the argument that says make it big in Nigeria, fly to any country you want to, live in any country you so desire, buy properties in any corner of the world, make yourself a free citizen and not dependent on a free nation… but what do I know? I am just a wannabe birth tourist.

My Yoruba tale...

It was sometime between 2001 and 2012, in my Senior Secondary School days, I was in a somewhat heated argument (well, not exactly – more like making a case) with my Yoruba teacher on why she was wrong and I was right about the way an essay in the examination and subsequent questions on the essay were wrong. The essay in question had a lot of the word “Igbe” which I automatically corrected in my head as “igbo” based on the context in which they were used while I read through the passages and consciously corrected the same word on the question paper and in my sheets while answering the question.

After my ranting and self-elevated speech about my prowess in Yoruba language second only to that of Oduduwa, my Yoruba teacher simply finished me with this statement “Shey o tii gbo ni pa eran Igbe ri? Ta ni o be e pe ki o so igbe di igbo nigba ti ohun dahun ibere na?” She went on to give me zero in that particular question. Now here is the thing, I was right and so was she, the two words were appropriate in the context of the essay presented and questions asked, but the problem was the frequency and context of use of one word in our daily spoken Yoruba viz-a-viz the other. Another issue was the clear difference between spoken and written words, speaking a language is massively different from writing the same language and automatically affects reading a language, it might surprise you to know there are people in America who can speak English but cannot write in English but that is a story for another day. The third issue probably has to do with the fact that the elders are always right in the Yoruba cultural and she just had to shove that in my face lol.

You may wonder why all these epistle and reminiscing, I came across a project spearheaded by Kola Tubosun which will preserve the heritage of the Yoruba language albeit starting from Yoruba names and their meanings, the project is also poised to feature pronunciations of these names, stories behind the names and the oriki attached to the names. It is quite a novel project and one which I am pretty excited about because it reminded me of the incident I narrated above which later made me one of the closest students to my Yoruba teacher in secondary school, it also points to the fact that Nigerians are not being left out of the digitalization going on.

I cannot wait for the websites to launch, my first wiki post will be about the joke I throw around when people ask for me name in an informal gathering, your everyday Temitope becomes “Temitopenitorioluwaloseyifunmi” and the next question that follows is “How did you write Jamb with such a long name?”

To read more about the project please visit www.yorubaname.com and www.orukoyoruba.com or this blog post on TechCabal. You may also contribute to the project financially by visiting this Indiegogo page.

NB:

1. My understanding of "Igbe" was sh*t, thus i translated it to "Igbo" which means "bush"
2. “Shey o tii gbo ni pa eran Igbe ri? Ta ni o be e pe ki o so igbe di igbo nigba ti ohun dahun ibere na?”  - "Haven't you heard about Bush Meat before? Who told you to 'igbe' to 'igbo' when you were answering the question?"

We should all be feminists - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie at TEDxEuston

Another Chimamanda Classic... sad i only got to know about this talk cos of Beyonce's feature on "Flawless"

Please go watch

ENGAGER - 'Dancia' (Official Video)

Y'all Should go watch Engagers Dancia Video... Directed by Nodash for FK Management, Video sees cameo from Weird MC, Young D and Anis Hollaway. 

As a celeb :d i made a cameo appearance lol.. enjoy

The Village Memoire–Ido Ekiti

I have been plagued with loads of bad decision of late. Agrrrrrh!!! I have not crossed the entire task on my “To-Do” list… more like 40% completion from the day I started my leave. Gutted I’d be missing TedX Lagos! Been planning to attend since forever… Chef Fregz, Tonye Cole, Kelechi Amadi, Eldee, Oriental Hotel, paparazzi, “ideas worth sharing, ideas worth listening to” i am so missing it.
I committed to a trip just before I realised Friday was the day but hey I kinda enjoyed the trip and here is a memoir of my trip to my home town Ido Ekiti Enjoy…
PS: Pardon all errors and unstructured or uncoordinated ideas… been writing only structured memos all year round, here is a blog post in dayz n months so…
 
The Arrival:
I was greeted with loads of “Do you remember me?” and I confidently say “of course I do” and they go like “who am i?” and I chuckle while I try to escape from the scene … in my mind I’m like “you are who you are jare no dey harass my memory”.
Said thing is that my maternal Grand Ma didn’t recognise me :( we have been worlds apart… I need to visit her often… she is very old already… but hey! I am still cool with my agile paternal Grand Ma and any mention of Grand Ma henceforth refers to her
 
The deliberation:
Mum just dragged me to the corner
Mum: “Hope you brought something for Grand Ma?”
Tope: “Sure I did”
Mum: “Great! How much do you want to give her?”
Me: “Why all this interrogation? K”
Mum: “You see, you need to give that woman with her something as well and your aunty and the other dark lady that welcomed us….”
Mum: She was the one who cared for me when I was pregnant and your Grand Ma travelled to Ilorin …
Me: Ok Mum “e ma worry” I’d settle all of them.
Seems this will be a trend going forward… everyone has to “jeun omo” :) and I’d gladly go broke for those that made me who I’m today.
 
The Prayers:
I always love when my Grand Ma prays! She is the definition of a praying mother that fights the battle of all her family members late at night, on the mountain (don’t know how they survive with snakes and all).
While on her knees praying for me, she will refer to the back she used to care for my dad and pray fervently for my future wife and our unborn baby, holding her breasts with both hands she will pray that the same favours my dad encountered simply because he fed from her breast will flow to me.
Using me as a point of contact, she prayed for my brothers and sister, I kinda like this part because I believe my magnetic head will take all the prayers… literally… the prayer can’t touch PH, Manchy and Lag in minutes :d (location of all my siblings at that point in time).
 
The Village Home:
Seriously, I don’t know how the Igbos do dis S**t… building Mansions that no one will occupy until year end xmas fiesta or prolly when a close family member dies or sorry there is a wedding.
Here we are in our “country home” - a modest bungalow, armed with a cutlass, sharp eyes, sensitive ears and a touch light, lifting all the curtains, checking all wardrobes, all nooks and crannies, all cold spots… A reptile might just be chilling in the corner defending its territory (too much Nat Geo Wild lol). Conclusion I’d rather stay in a hotel next time.
It is like a reunion in this country home! I didn’t know this was where mum deported all our childhood home appliances et al... the old ENO 3 cylinder gas that burns just like a stove, if you want to compare it (in techy parlance) to the current crop of gas cookers out there. ENO will be Edge while the recent ones will be 4G LTE. The National brand of Blender still looks rusty but in good working condition, still speeding a 400 HPs lol and finally my beloved Eleganza flask, this “dude” held the hot water we used all through our childhood for the famous Nasco Corn Flakes, Ovaltine Malted Milk powder, Three Crowns evaporated milk etc.. adulthood is a scam… don’t grow up!

 
Photo Session
It is 8am on Day 2 and Grand Ma was already at the gate with her lace and gele in a sack. I had promised her an hour Photo Session yesterday.
It was not entirely my idea, I only take random pictures of her whenever we get to chill together. This time Dad asked for a series of shots.



Jokes about death:
Acting like a director of a Tade Ogidan movie, Dad was on hand to direct the proceedings at the photo session. “Tell mama to wave her hand” he said in English, “we’d use it as a cover shot at her burial”… Mum jumped into our tactical convo, laughing vigorously and without hesitation translated our coded yarns to Yoruba.
To my surprise mama laughed about it and said she was ready anytime (seems death is now a joke) and was glad to wave her hand like a flag being controlled by wind while she blurted out “bayi bayi o”
After some minutes of lights, camera, action mama was on her way to a church meeting where widows gather… I was quick to remind her I’m her husband ;)


The Big Question:
If you are from an Ekiti family and of marriageable age, you most likely would have heard some rules around tribes, state and regions where you must and should not marry into. Famous of all is the anti-Ijebu campaign, so I threw the question to Grand Ma in the company of her younger sister and my aunty.
Grand Ma simply said “send me the names of the potential "wifeys" and I’d pray for God to guide you”. However, the general consensus is that it is best an Ekiti man marries an Ekiti chic (who wouldn’t support his clans men?) but there are loads of allegations against different tribes which I do not agree with Ijebu’s do a lot of juju (who doesn’t?), Igbos culture is too strong and stringent (a man must surely believe in something else, he’d fall for anything), “Ulesha nan o’dara” we don’t gel (can you leave your ancestors out of this?)…
Conclusion: My son must sha marry an extremely cute Igbo chic preferably for Anambra … As for myself, I have resolved to at least marry from their chosen tribe.
 
The Royal family:
Ok there is a very cute lady in my town and she is the Queen!!! I think only the Tejuosho’s are finer (don’t tell her!) Lol. Had the privilege of meeting her up close on her birthday and it was a lovely one.
The “church session” had loads of classical music on repeat (as befitting of the royal family), was on the same table as some local government political guys and this discussion ensued after they escorted the Chief medical Director of Federal Medical Centre Ido Ekiti to his car on his exit.
Political Guy: Bros, please who covered our food for us?
Me: A lady in black, when I see her I’d show you!
Political Guy: Is it the lady in the brown Ofi (Aso Oke) blouse?
ME: (in my mind: Nigga I just said black are you deaf?) No the lady had a black blouse on
ME: Ok here she is (pointing at the woman)
Political Guy: O great, I can now eat the food again
ME: (So u dey fear to die abi… say she don put jazz for the food)… my thoughts  

Only God knows when next I’d visit Ido Ekiti.. till then.. Ciao
Feel free to drop your comments and tell me about your visit to your villa. cheers

Happy Married Life - Ifeyinwa